You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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