Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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