the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I didn't notice because vodka
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
