A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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