the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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