I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
