we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
