Just fell off a train. Bad.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
