I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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