I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
