you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
