Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize