I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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