please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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