You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
