Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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