Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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