It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
