god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
