u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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