Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
