One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
