i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
