I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
