marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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