ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
