I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
