I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
