yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
