I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
