The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
