ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
