It's like God shit irony all over that family
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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