I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
