well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize