I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
