My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There's always time for handjobs
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
