After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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