while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
