she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
