READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
