We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
