so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
