I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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