guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
