Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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