Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
