Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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