This girl is more easily done than said...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
