The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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