I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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