Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
