I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
