:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Boobs are out for the taking
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
