Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
