...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Come on in and take your pants off
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