brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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