Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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