What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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