he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i've created a new STD.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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