I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
