Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
