I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I love you. Go after that dick
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
