Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
