I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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