he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize