??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
