dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
