Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
