Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
