they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
