Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
