Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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