K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize