i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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