I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
