How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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