I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize