I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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