please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
