so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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