last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
