the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Sext me about skeletons
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
