He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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