I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
