Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize