Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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