She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
one might say we're banned from that church
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
