Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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