So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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