i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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