Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize