Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
