shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
