So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
